Sunday, December 24, 2006

‘Twas the night before Christmas…

You recall how I said I’d done really well with the Christmas shopping? And I did, for the kids. But I kinda forgot the BH. Not entirely you understand, just that he usually gets at least five things, that being one from each of the kids, and something from me. I didn’t even realise until last night when I went to wrap them.

To make matters worse, yesterday morning he asked how long he should go out for. Receiving nothing but a frown from me, he explained that he didn’t want to ruin my surprise by arriving home early before the TV was up.

Oops, I’m not sure this Christmas is going to be all that he hopes for.

Oh and the girls main present hasn't arrived. Ironic really, as the doll's house was the first thing ordered way back in July!

Never mind, as J says, presents are not the point of Christmas. Have a great one, one and all!

And here's a Christmas tune, where is does seem to be about the presents. Catchy nonetheless ;o)

Friday, December 22, 2006

Something to write about!

That’s what the BH said to me when I stopped cursing. He cursed for slightly longer, but then he was still wearing his suit, so I guess that’s a good excuse and surely anyone getting suddenly sprayed with several cans of ice cold coke, would swear. Bloody kids thought it was hilarious, and if they were brighter I might think they set the situation up. And maybe I should write to Coca-Cola, and tell them how dangerous their new ‘fridge pack’ packaging is, when kids don’t open the box correctly?! When the box is laid on its side, those darn cans hurt your toes after rolling out, one after another, like flippin’ machine gun fire! At least the way the cans broke was interesting, some splitting apart in a spiral fashion, others creasing and bursting forth with pinhole cracks. The BH recons it’s the closest I’ve come to dancing in many years. But I wasn’t much amused with the amount of wiping up required.

And daft things don’t end there. Take today, the holidays have begun, the Christmas shopping is complete, and bar tonight’s meat, the food shopping too. Nothing to do but slob about (actually, that’s not true. But it’s nearly Christmas, and I’m on holiday!), so I figured I’d hit several birds with one stone (why did I write that? That’s an awful thing to say – but I’ll explain in a mo). The dog needed walking, the kids needed some air, and we needed some chicken for Tonight’s dinner – so I decided we’d walk to the shops.

Of course the BH didn’t consider joining us, and R managed to wheedle out of it by offering to help dad wash the deck, so four of us, and the dog, headed off for a brisk walk.

Apart from the stupid mutt managing to prove the dog research experts wrong by refusing to walk calmly in his new halti, the trip there went very well. And things started well on the way home too, I was almost imagining how I could tell the BH how he missed a joyous outing. Almost.

Unfortunately what I instead got to do, was call the BH and beg that he pick us all up. After all, a four year old can’t walk home, through grass, mud, and leafs , in just a sock, which is all she had left after my foot caught her heal and clean ripped the sole of her boot off.

And S’s reaction? ‘At least I still have the other boot!”

Never mind, it’s what memories are made of!

Back to my poor taste comment about birds. Dingbat died this week. Silly old bird had to be taken to the vet in the end. Wasn’t my idea, but when R sat me down and explained it wasn’t fair on Dingbat to keep him alive, I felt so guilty I knew I had to. And things had gotten a lot worse, but I won’t describe them here as it wouldn’t make for entertaining reading.

P came with me when it was done. He said he understood why we were doing it when we went, but by the evening I was again explaining. He took it harder than I expected, and I keep wondering if maybe I shouldn’t have allowed him to come with me, but he wanted to, and he’d become very close to Dingbat of late. But he cried most of the day, and I don’t think the school were very impressed with me.

We buried Dingbat by the pagoda, and have placed a large plant pot above him. After Christmas the kids and I will plant it with something bright and cheerful, just like Dingbat.

What’s a little bit scary is, I didn’t cry. I haven’t cried since the day I began taking my happy tablets, how weird is that? Very little moves me, and there isn’t much that touches me deep inside anymore. If I had more energy I’m sure I’d be seriously concerned. Instead I sit here knowing it isn’t right, but at the same time, if I try and change it, then everything might come back and I’d be a wreak again.

And people have been commenting on my calmness again. That used to make me laugh, as nothing was further from the truth (this was way back before I needed the happy pills!) Now, I believe them, as compared to most of them, I am calm. Just not for the reasons they probably think.

But I’ve made that all sound rather low, and I’m not! I’m good. Detached and tired, but good.

And to solve my tiredness I’d like a new bed, ideally one with a crappy soft mattress. I know this because I slept in S’s bed the other night, and it was the first time in years I didn’t wake full of aches. The BH nearly choked at the irony when I told him how much I enjoyed her bed, and sadly he’s not as keen to swap our expensive bed that works so well for his back.

And talking about aches and pains, I haven’t mentioned J getting sick in the car and my lackwit brother. Not that the two are related, just that aches and pains reminded me of them.

I picked J up from school on Tuesday and was told she was in the midst of a raging temperature. Quite why they didn’t call me immediately I don’t know, but it was obvious from just looking at her, she was ill. Not that I’m having a go, after all it was my own fault as she’d complained she didn’t feel good that morning. But it was my last day at work and I needed it, plus I thought she was just trying to find a way to go with P and I to the vets. So mean old mommy that I am, I made her go to school.

Once in the car, my poor pale girl immediately said she felt sick.
(Huh? As nice as I often try to be, can’t these kids remember that I don’t DO sick! And woe betide anyone who’s sick in my new car!!) But we were in a line of traffic. On a busy road. And my car doesn’t have enough crap in it yet to improvise. I did the only thing I could, I told her to be sick in her hat. Except then I remembered her hat’s only three weeks old, so I told her to grab S’s.

I have no idea if S argued about this, as I had turned the music up as loud as I could (to drown out any sound) and opened all the windows.

I dread to think how my children will remember their childhood.

And then there’s my brother. And what a useless little sod he is, which he’s always been, but now he’s useless AND getting old and grumpy. I don’t think I can even be bothered to explain, and anyway I’m sure all of you have people like this in your family. What’s truly frightening is, P gets more like him every day!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Slowing down

I’ve been on good form of late. And last night I had the best night’s sleep I’ve experienced for a long time. Not sure why, in fact, if you take everything into account at the moment, I should be having a terrible time!

We’re almost through all the activity recitals/shows, and I have a wonderful video clip of S at her Christmas nativity – but I recorded it at 90* and I can’t figure out how to turn the damn clip (also can’t find a degree button on this keyboard!!)

The boys were great at their tap & modern dancing, and R’s been asked to join a higher group. He jumped at the chance, even after hearing there were no other boys in that class. P, of course, darn near wet himself when he heard, but R told him to wait four years and then see if he found it as funny. J still adores her ballet and danced beautifully, though I can’t quite claim the same for S, who I think only does it because J thinks everyone should love doing it!

Fencing is being given up (phew!) because they changed the night it’s held, and R isn’t giving up tap for anything. Down side is, the day after R decided the fencing had to go, he was asked to join the other tap group and he isn’t giving up the original, so tap twice a week for him now.

We’re also wondering about R's guitar lessons. He’s been attending for 15months now, and can’t yet perform an entire song. Not being musically inclined myself, I have no idea whether this is normal, but it all seems a tad slow to me!

Other stresses news include my parents being back from RSA. On their first day back I managed to have words with my mom. She wanted the boys to do golf over the holidays, but they only have two weeks, and seeing as Christmas is also happening, I wasn’t in the mood. She promised to do all the running around, but I’ve kind of heard that one before, and I stuck to my guns. Would you believe I was then subjected to a lecture about how my kids will probably go off the rails when they’re teenagers, because they don’t have enough interests?! Bloody hell, more likely they’ll go off the rails because they don’t know how to amuse themselves for five flippin’ minutes! But I didn’t say that, just said I’d think about it, and have kept very quiet since. I haven’t actually seen a lot of them, and I expect they’ll be off again in January, so if I just hold my breath….

My other big stress is Dingbat. We’ve had to adapt his cage, as he keeps falling off his perches. But he also won’t sit where he can’t see what’s going on, so we’ve removed the bottom of his cage and he’s now on the lounge floor with one perch about an inch up. I also had to get rid of his feeding bowls and replace them with upturned jar lids on the floor, as he kept falling in them. The seeds weren’t so bad, but the daft bird nearly drowned himself in his water the other night, and soggy birds look very pitiful.

Not that he doesn’t look pitiful all of the time now. He can’t even walk without falling over, but he is loving the constant attention as P carries him around and hand feeds him. Unfortunately P has to go to school, and I have to go to work, so when we get home we all rush in desperate to see if he’s still with us.

I know the right thing to do would be to call the vet out, but Dingbat’s so skinny I can’t bear the thought of someone sticking a needle in him. And what if it was like Ryker? Knowing what we were doing and obviously fighting it. I can’t do it. And I know that’s selfish, but I still can’t do it.

On a cheerier note, work’s closing down for two weeks. The boss is off on holiday and knows the men would slack off, so figures it’s easier just to given everyone the time off. Trouble is it doesn’t really suit me with it being year end, and though the thought of two weeks of nothing is nice, realistically I’d have to work twice as hard in January if I allow myself the time. Still, I’ll probably get it all done if I work a couple of full-time days, so it will be a break.

The boss doing well by the way, after his heart attack. In fact taking a step back from things definitely seems to be agreeing with him, and he seems on better form than ever to me!

The BH is also off over Christmas, as he’s in education and they close down too. When I think back at Christmases past, I can’t believe how lucky we are. I recall being thrilled when the boss let us go at midday on Christmas Eve. If I had to do that now the kids wouldn’t get a Christmas, I need time!

I am a bit pissed off though, my food mixer’s old and crappy and keeps dropping ‘bits’ into things I mix, which doesn’t fit into the hopes I had for lots of baking. Also doesn’t help that Amazon have cancelled my Christmas present, as I won’t be able to do any baking before New Year. Though if I wasn’t so tight I could go out and buy myself a mixer right now. But I am tight (err, due to being broke) and I’ll wait for the sales and sleep a little better at night.

Talking of sleeping, mine’s become almost normal. I’m remembering quite a few dreams now, enjoying them even! And the one’s I’m not remembering I’m not sorry about as the BH says I still scream and shout in my sleep. Mostly at the kids apparently.

Anyway, I should go get ready. We’re off into town, even being daring and taking all the kids. It’s ‘La fêté dé noué’ tonight (not just tonight, but it’s the parade tonight) and we’re taking the girls for the first time. Should be good. Shame it won’t be tomorrow morning, when I try and wake them for school!

Friday, December 08, 2006

Just call me evil! tired.

Tonight I made my daughters cry. Sob actually. Uncontrollably. Of course I’m making it up to them now, by letting them stay up late and watching Santa Clause together. The first one, I didn’t like the second so much.

Anyway I’m on a quick break (I need them, I can only take so much ‘together time’ with two little girls who have incessant questions and comments about everything they see).

I’m also home alone, as the BH is out at some boozy Christmas party, he gets all the good events. And I’ve had a busy day. The girls finished at 12, and I had to belt home from work in the nick of time, to let seven mothers and their numerous offspring (10, once I'd thought of it, I had to count it up, I'm like that) into the house for my impromptu birthday party!

It went really well, with only a couple of fights and breakages. Oh and the BH called in the middle of it, to say his car (my car, the old one, his is STILL at the mechanics) wouldn’t start, and the boys needed picking up. This didn’t cause too much bother as it was late and the traffic had died, and I had plenty of sitters for the girls at hand.

But I’m getting sidetracked, this was about me making the girls cry, and my time is fast running out!

As you can guess I’m tired, and I suggested the girls go to bed early (at 6) and that they could watch a video in their room. Thankfully they’re easy to please, and together we decided upon a video for them to watch. The Bear won out, being the girls hadn’t yet seen it, and neither had I. Not that I would have guessed their reaction, even if I had seen it. And I know that, because I ended up watching it with them. As usual, we missed the begining of the film as the girls don't have the patience to wait for the video to rewind, but that was okay, as it didn't seem too lacking for it. The bear cub was cute, and the girls giggled as he played. The big bear scared them at first, but soon they liked him too. J was hissing at the hunters as soon as she saw their guns. Then a bear got shot, and the tears began. As the movie went on, the tears got worse.

It has destroyed them! They wouldn’t let me turn it off, no matter how load their sobs were. But I figured it had to have a happy ending, as it is a kids movie, and so let it play with each of them tucked in my arms.

A ‘sort of’ happy ending came, with the bears alive and happy, but J could figure the bears might face the same problems the following year, and so wouldn’t accept the ending was happy.

I tried to think of everything I could, like pointing out the stunt credits and explaining none of it was real. But then I got into a mess as J asked if people were never really that mean. I got out of it, and dug myself a bigger hole, by explaining that in real life bears are dangerous, and whilst some people are unnecessarily cruel, if we didn’t live in a nice safe place, we might be glad that hunters killed bears. That just made her cry more.

(My break ended an hour or so ago, when J came to find me. They’re now both tucked up.)

So anyway, around in circles I went trying to calm my little darlings, all the time trying to bring them around to the ides of going to sleep.

Fat chance.

By now, J’s mind had started thinking about what dying means. She quickly decided she had lots of time, but her lip started quivering at the thought that one day I will die. In fact her words were:

‘I’d really miss you, Mommy, but I’ll definitely cry loads when Dingbat dies!’

And talking of Dingbat, that damn bird is still with us. And I say ‘damn’ as a term of endearment, as I too will mourn him. Who’d have thought he’d last this long? I think the vet gave him two weeks, mid-way through last summer. But things are bad now, his original growth has shrank, but there are others. And he falls of his perch sometimes, and can’t get onto his feet without my help. Or maybe that’s just his way of getting some attention, because he adores attention at the moment. Only from me mind. Likes me to stroke and clean his feathers for him. Poor thing he is a mess. A few people have suggested I put him down, but I can’t. One too many of those already, and Dingbat shook for two days after I’d taken him last summer. He really hates travelling, and gets totally freaked when people hold his wings, just being handled like that would kill him. And I don’t want his last minutes to be painful and scary.

Geeze I get sidetracked! Back to S & J and their new found fretting. Death. So I read them a story from our Book of Creation Stories, The Tortoises Wish, I think it’s called. Considering how many times I read it to R, I should know, but I’m not sure and am too lazy to get off my butt and go check. Anyway, it’s a short, sweet story, explaining why everything has to die. And it did stop the girls crying.

Next came the whining. And did I have the energy to refuse? Another video, please Mom.

That's how we came to be watching Santa Clause, definitely a good diversion. Except apparently, P says there isn’t a real Santa. Umm, I told J to tell him ‘If you don’t believe, you don’t receive!’

So then she asked why I don’t believe.

I could go on, on, and on. Wish kids came with a pause button.

Now it’s ten o’clock and I meant to have a bath, and I think I shall.

Goodnight, sleep tight.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

…here I am again.

(The question is, will I manage to actually finish writing a post and post it?)

I thought, once I got Nano out the way, I’d have some time and be inspired to entertain you with witty moments about my life (ha, as if!), but I’m only just catching up with all the things I should have done weeks ago. And as much as I enjoy Nano, I’m very glad it’s over. I also never got around to posting an exert, but I shall, when I get around to editing it, in 2008 or thereabouts.

Life here is full of the usual rush. My new car was registered on Friday, but not without incident (would it be *my* life, if it had?!), the insurance wasn’t right and so I had lots of running backwards and forwards to get it sorted – which wouldn’t have been so bad, if Fridays wasn’t the busiest day at work. But never mind, I did it, and I have a new car mercedes!

Things at work have been a tad mixed up too, as my boss had a heart attack a couple of weeks ago. Won’t get into the drama of it, but for my part trying to persuade airlines to let a man travel without a passport is a no-goer, even after you’ve begged, pleaded, flirted, and explained they let him in to the UK by air-ambulance, and he didn’t have his flippin’ passport then! But again, never mind, and just call me wonder woman as I got it sorted in the nick of time.

The Christmas activities have begun, but you probably know that, and are facing your own mountain to climb. So far it’s just been a bazaar, but blimey it was enough! They told us to give the children in the infant classes £4 each and a carrier bag with their name on, so I did. But when they price most things at 20p, even a five year old can purchase a heap of stuff. I had thought that at least only having one bag would slow J, but no, they just gave her another, and another.

Wouldn’t have been so bad, if I hadn’t of been taking two other kids home with me. One look at Jack and I groaned, then I told him he could only bring what he could carry. Unfortunately that meant waiting until his teacher managed to load each hand and underarm up, which slowed us considerably. But hey-ho, we have a pile of crap to donate back to them next year!

Jumping subjects completely, I meant to tell you about my discovery last week that S can look angelic. She might often look sweet, but angelic isn’t a word I would often put in a sentence when referring to her (except if followed by 'nightmare').

Here’s why:

(the pictures were taken 10 days apart)

I straightened her hair and was amazed to see what an adorable looking little madam I have. It’s not that she isn’t adorable, in her own way, just that she looks scrumptiously adorable with straight hair. At least I think so. The downside of which is, I want to straighten her hair all the time! Which I know I can’t do, and have only done twice. To date.

Of course J is most pissed off (my words, not hers), as she’s always begging to have her hair straightened, but I think she looks cuter with her curls, so she doesn’t get it often. Plus her hair is thicker, and it takes forever. She wasn’t amused when I did their hair for a Christmas party this weekend (I forgot about this when I mentioned the bazaar was the only Christmas thing we'd done, cripes that's scary! What else am I forgetting? Ha! It's my birthday on Saturday, I forgot about that too. Bugger, another year older. Oops, back to the point)

Here’s J last week with straight hair. The curls are nicer, don’t you think?

Oh, and as you can see, her face has healed wonderfully :o)