Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Shall I list the many ways I hate Facebook?

In truth my title isn't fair, I also love Facebook. When things are good anyway. It's wonderful to catch up family and friends in one place, some of whom I haven't actually spoken to in several years. But maybe there should be a rule about not adding family and close friends?

Yeah I've seen the memes that warn against adding such people, but it seems rather an obvious snub to refuse one cousin when you've accepted the others. So into your life they come. I do make use of the edit audience option, quite a lot in fact, but my dislike of FB doesn't end there. Part of the issue is FB is simply not the place to air your laundry. I have 2 friends who do, a lot. Drives me up the bloody wall actually. And no it's none of you, or I wouldn't write about it her either ;) these people complain ALL the time, in fact I can only remember 1 lighthearted post between them. I feel exhausted when I see their names in my newsfeed. Which isn't very nice of me, as I do care about them. I do want them to be happy. I spent several months in private chats with one, trying to get him to see the brighter side of life, trying to show him that he's a good person who doesn't need to be so hard upon himself (& I meant every word) but.. My life has issues too, and when you're too tired to cope with your own life, trying to help others cope with theirs just becomes too much.

And this has always been my place to moan. To bare my soul (should that be bear? Dave will know...)   - maybe that makes me a hypocrite. Hmm probably definitely does actually. But when I started here, I really didn't know any of you. That seems funny now that I can list your partners names, children, grandchildren. And one person who used to come here passed away a few years ago. I still think about him, and can almost imagine his comments (which would involve contemplation and navels !) I guess that is sort of special, to touch the life of someone you've never met, to have them think we'll of you long after you have become dust again. I can only hope to be as blessed.

Anyway, I am here today, because I am very pissed off. But I don't know at what. I have this horrid unsettled feelings, like something is very wrong, but I just can't remember what it is. I have checked with all the kids, they are fine. Have check on my mother, who is currently on a plane to Spain, she's fine. The bills are paid, the dogs been fed, and all the laundry is done. So quite why I have this weight inside me, I can't work out. But it needs to stop, because feeling so unsettled is unnerving me to the point of contemplating doing something very stupid. And I know it's stupid. And I know I can't do it. Maybe I should just have a drink instead. But no I won't do that either. Not the answer.

I wish it would stop bloody raining too. Seriously pissed off with the utterly crap summer this year. I put the heating on August!!! How bloody insane is that?

I do need some sun, even the Doctor said so, back in June. He told me to go on holiday. He said I have run on a high stress level for the previous 18 months and now that the stress has ended, my body is 'crashing' and is why I always feel so bloody ill. But I haven't gone on holiday. Haven't seen any sun. And my new job is due to start soon. Doctor did call 2 weeks ago though, to ask if had been away yet, when I said no, he said I should go when kids are back at school. I told him I can't, that the family won't have it. Which they wouldn't, if I told them. He made me laugh as he said he'd write them a letter telling them I need a release, and he knows from my history that getting away alone is the only time I relax. I said thanks, but no.

Guess I will start the new job, let the stress seep in, take over from current stresses - of which there are not many now. I think I am still in mourning. I still cry easily, but hey that's nothing new. Maybe when the kids go back I will sit in front of the TV for a couple of days and let the laundry pile up. Once the house is clean of course, and everything's up to date - can't relax until it is ;) which is exactly my problem says my Doctor... And so the circle just repeats. And I still don't know why I feel like something is so wrong today *sigh*

Ahh bugger it, am going to go lie in the bath.

Stay safe all of you x


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