An old friend..

There's a girl I went to school with, whom I guess to anyone meeting her, would be seen as a middle aged mom of three. About a decade ago, her husband left her. He was a cad about it, and it hurt her a lot. But then, when does a marriage breakdown not hurt someone?

I guess the difference about this particular breakup was, she never got over it. She stayed so angry. Bumping into her used to be a nightmare, as she never had anything nice or jolly to share, only stories of what a terrible person he was, and how he had done her wrong.

I am ashamed to admit, I started avoiding her. I stopped calling, it was all just too depressing listening to her refusing to to put this man out of her mind and move forward with her life.

I thought about her just a few weeks ago, when I wondered about my own internal struggles. I feel exhausted, but at least I don't feel her anger, mine is more of a hopelessness. But I've always believed these unhappy feelings can't be good for us, it's like poisoning ourselves from the inside. It will all add up, and finish us.

For a lot of this year, I've wanted that. Just to go to sleep and not wake up. But it doesn't work like that.

Today I bumped into my old friend. She had been such a pretty woman, but I saw her and as I smiled, could only think to myself how worn and tired she looked.

I asked if she was well. The answer was no. She has cancer. Started as breast cancer, now it's in her liver, and lymph glands.

Not really a lot you can say when someone says that. I mumbled how sorry I was to hear, which is true. In fact I am brokenhearted. She deserved better. So much better. The girl I went to school with was happy and sweet, her life should have been too. But that girl faded away so long ago.

Life fucks us all. They say 'The good die young', maybe that's because the good can't cope with the pain of living.