Tuesday, July 18, 2006

There ain’t no pleasing me!

Is that a double negative? Ugh, who* cares?

Anyway, ‘tis too hot. The BH says I complain when it’s cold, and now I’m bitching that it’s too warm. Darn right I am, as I don’t get an air conditioned office to sit in, in fact the only place which has air conditioning around here is the car. But I daren’t use as it drinks the diesel when I do. So I’m too hot!!

As you can tell my mood isn’t the best. Strange, as I now think the medication is working, and I was expecting things to bother me less. Which is probably how it appears to the outside world, as though everything still irritates me the same, I just don’t have the energy to moan about it. Or maybe ‘energy’ isn’t the right* word as it’s not that I’m tired, it’s more like feeling detached and too weary to articulate it.

Not sure I like this affect either, as it’s stuffing up my thinking. So much has been happening, but it’s all so tiresome I can’t be bothered to post about it. Where’s the fun gone? And I wouldn’t even mind if I was teary, but even my tears have deserted me. I should have been sobbing this morning at S’s Nursery leaving show. I cried when R left, and he was only my first, and you’d think having attended for years and this being my final event with them, I’d be moved. And I am, deep inside. Somewhere.

And now the show is out of the way, it’s pretty much all over for this school year, and they’ll all finish at midday tomorrow (yeah, I’m thrilled to have to be in three places at once, thank heavens for the BH!). Though S is supposed to be having her final swim lesson this afternoon, but I’ve decided we’re not going. Of course my mother will kill me, but I’m too hot and short of time to drive all that way when all they’ll do is mess about in the pool (as they always do on the final lessons).

Flippin’eck I’ve turned into a right misery. It’s alright for you, you can click the next blog button and move on, but me? I’m stuck with myself!

Even the dog walks aren’t cheering me up, and I haven’t been to the woods for the last three days. Or the beach, but I always avoid the beach in the summer as it’s when all the fair-weather beach bums show up, as they send me off the Richter scale with their filthy looks and murmurs of disapproval as my dog turns to look at their children.

Something’s got to give. I want something to give. Only trouble is I don’t have the spark to make it happen myself.

I guess the holidays might turn up a joy or two. At least once we get the first three weeks of chaotic activities out of the way. All the moms at the schools are bleating about how long they are this year (7 weeks) and what shall they do with the kids. After the first three weeks, I plan to do nothing! As far as I’m concerned the kids can learn to amuse themselves.

Actually there is something I feel like doing. Writing. But not here, I mean writing stories again. But that’s hardly fair on the kids and the BH as I do get a tad obsessed, though it may be why I can’t think of anything to type here, as my mind keeps turning back towards the plot and character creation. Useless mare can’t do two things at once you know! Least not when it comes to writing.

So instead, I do nothing. Becoming a bit of a habit.

* Amanda and Dave may feel free to knock themselves out with corrections.

Edit added: I did this whilst over at Poopie's, and thought it quite apt.

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are very passionate and quite temperamental. While you can be moody, you always crave comfort.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true.

Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.


Blogger MarkD60 said...

I say go to the beach and let your dog eat those miserable eyeballers.
Don't let the circumstances get you down!
I like it hot, the hotter the better. No matter how hot it gets, I can get cooled off. But when it's cold I can never get warm.
I bet you'll REALLY be complaining in about a week after the kids are home all day every day for a while!
hee Hee HEEE!

I think the writing sounds like a good idea, if you do it without neglecting everything else.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 11:19:00 am  
Blogger rdl said...

wish you could come visit. i think maybe change the meds if they're making you sleep after 2 wks. (Fluoxetine - generic Prozac is great for depression and makes your mind mega organized.but if anxiety is an issue maybe Paxil. I think you should be talking to someone when you are on these meds to you get straigthened out. and go to the beach and chill and the hell with those people. And write!!!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 11:58:00 am  
Blogger Who is this Dave? said...

I can see nothing I wish to correct.

Well, not in the writing anyway.

Obviously I'd love to correct your state of ennui, but I don't know how (if I did, I'd try it on me first).

Things will get better. In 20 years the kids will all have left home, and then where will you be?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 3:39:00 pm  
Blogger Daisy Mae said...

I think you should write if you want to. So what if you get obsessed with it, that the fun in it!

And definately take the pooch on the beach and let him run all over those beach goers. Tourists! Bah!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 4:22:00 pm  
Blogger rdl said...

what a surprise, same results. uhoh - thunderstorm comin.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:14:00 am  
Blogger Who is this Dave? said...

I just did the room thing. Odd numbered answers same as yours, but second and fourth were different.

Thursday, July 20, 2006 6:49:00 am  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Hey, I keep forgetting to ask: do you want to read the first half of the romance I'm writing? You're partly to blame, you know, since you pushed me in this direction a long time ago (Kate Rothwell did the rest of the pushing). I'm a little past halfway done. It might cheer you up a tad. Drop me an email if you're interested -- if not, no prob ;)

Thursday, July 20, 2006 3:10:00 pm  
Blogger Amanda Matilda said...

Why would anyone want to correct? Heavens, have you seen my personal typo Hall of Shame? No worries here.

I think you should go ahead and write stories if that's what's drawing you. You could also post drafts here. Lots of people do so.

Friday, July 21, 2006 3:13:00 am  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Listen, kid: Sometimes doing nothing is the very best thing to do. Enjoy it.

Saturday, July 22, 2006 12:19:00 am  

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