Friday, July 07, 2006

I’m finding today hard

It’s S’s sports day tomorrow, but I still haven’t invited The Godmother (which is really mean, as she knows about it). I just can’t face the call, knowing she’ll drive me bonkers when we’re all there.

And my friend just left (the one with the pain in the arse son, whom I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, he certainly winds me up often enough, but I can’t find any links). Thank goodness, as I was truly struggling to smile and make conversation.

Why is it some people are good for me (in the sense they cheer me up) and other’s just finish me off? They’re all nice people, and care about me. Which I guess makes the problem wholly mine

I’ve been on these tablets for over two weeks now, aren’t they supposed to be working by now? I know they’re not some magic miracle, but still…

Oh and I told my friend I was on them, figuring she deserved an explanation as to why I haven’t been chirpy for months. She assumed I’d had a nervous breakdown and pointed out I am highly strung. I didn’t say anything, but inside I was screaming ‘OH F*CK OFF! I’m highly strung when you’re here because of your bloody child!’

And Kobi ripped her top. It’s always her clothes. Why the heck is that? He never rips anyone else’s! So whilst the pain in the arse son is busy demolishing my house, I get to sit there apologising for my damn dog and offering to buy her clothes (though she never accepts).

Friday used to be my favourite day of the week, it isn’t anymore.

I also wish I could face telling my parents I’m feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Wish I could ask for a bit of help. But my brother is being a thoughtless, incompetent git, and I don’t want to add to their inconveniences. And that’s apart from not having the courage.

Did I mention it’s P’s 8th birthday tomorrow? And have you noticed my mind is jumping? But back to the birthday. I feel bad as the kids are too young to realise I’m not up to the usual chaos at the moment. Instead they just think I’m mean. P wanted a sleep-over (his first) and asked weeks ago. At the time I said no because his room isn’t big enough – or rather, that was the excuse I gave him. Trouble is he got R to agree to swap rooms for the night, and so figured he could have him friend around. But his friend is one of the little sods darling’s who’s afraid of dogs, and the real reason I couldn’t face it was the noise this lad makes as he runs through my house screaming and slamming doors. Anyway, P went and invited him and then thought to mention it to me, and I promptly said no and told him he should have okayed it with me first. So I’m a bad guy. And worse still, the new Pirates of the Caribbean is out tomorrow, and only got designated as a 12A a couple of weeks ago. P thought he was going to see it, but I took a look at the trailer and he can’t.

And the dog ate S’s ballet shoes. This I didn’t need, as she only has one lesson to go before the summer break. Under normal circumstances I would simply tell her ballet had finished, but next week is the class where they invite parents to watch and she’s so excited. Not that I can make it, as I’ve got other kids to pick up (not all my own either), but the BH has come to the rescue and will go watch his baby girl perform. Just have to remember to ask every mother I meet if they have a pair of shoes they can lend us, as I really don’ want to spend the money when she’s sure to grow over the summer.

Well there you go, another cheery read of all that’s on my mind! Actually it’s not all, but I figure I’ve bored you enough, and anyway I’ve run out of time.

Have a good weekend, and I'm hoping mine might be, as this time last year was lovely.


Blogger No_Newz said...

Friends with kids like that are exhausting!
If you need a venting place, I'm an e-mail away.
Happy birthday to P!
Lois Lane

Friday, July 07, 2006 6:32:00 pm  
Blogger rdl said...

I get overwhelmed just reading all that you do and I think the kids are old enough to understand, Mom's tired or not feeling well. I would've had a hard time holding my tongue with la b-tch. (i love those cross outs - wish i knew how to do them. As for the medicine, you really ought to call yr. Dr. sometimes you have to switch, try another that works for you and maybe even switch drs. if you feel you can't talk to this one.
Take care.

Friday, July 07, 2006 8:06:00 pm  
Blogger Who is this Dave? said...

Sympathy. I have been in many of the places you have (kids, drugs, dogs) and mostly the problems do pass.

Just not in hours, unfortunately.

Saturday, July 08, 2006 6:33:00 am  
Blogger Amanda Matilda said...

I'm so sorry it's been a bad time for you recently. Take a deep breath. Things are bound to start looking up soon.


Saturday, July 08, 2006 7:05:00 am  
Blogger Anduin said...

I know how rough it can be trying to adjust to your medicine. It took me about 2 weeks to feel emotionally stable and stop crying every day but it also took over a month for me to sleep through the night. That was the worst part, because your mind gets really loopy without the proper amount of sleep. It's a good suggestion to talk to your doctor to see if you are right on track. It may just require a little patience on your part to let the medicine get into your system and start helping you feel better.

As for the friend: if she drains you emotionally then you might think about distancing yourself from her until you feel you are in a better place. I had to cut relations with some people in my life that I could not stand to be around just because it wasn't worth the effort it took to be in their presence. I had to do what was best for me at the time. I don't regret it either. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Saturday, July 08, 2006 9:30:00 am  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

I interact enough with the public to know that some folks give and some folks take. The givers and takers can be equally nice, and yet you come away from the givers feeling good, the takers feeling drained. Sometimes the takers are downright malevolent. Those are the ones I call brainsuckers.

To counterbalance the brainsuckers, some givers are saints, and they make your whole day. Here's hoping you have a lot more saints than brainsuckers in your life.

Sunday, July 09, 2006 1:03:00 am  

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