Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Just being lazy…

Or maybe not lazy, as there just doesn’t seem to be any time between Thursdays and Tuesdays. Not that there is between, Tuesdays and Thursdays either. But it’s definitely time that’s at fault.

Anyhoo, I’m sitting here still waiting for these tablets to kick in so I can become a calm and collected person, though I suppose I am calmer as I haven’t cried since I started taking them. Amazing really, as it’s been nearly two weeks and that’s a loooong time for me to go without tears! But I’m still agitated inside. I still have to remind myself to breathe and recite daft little ditties to myself, when I think I’m going to either scream at someone, or keel over.

Kind of worried the drugs have kicked in, and this is as good as it gets, but if so I may then have to ask to up the dosage ;o)

One thing that hasn’t improved is my sleeping. In fact I think it’s getting worse, though I do get to say I’m now a night person and a morning person! This time last year I couldn’t imagine getting up to see the dawn, now I stand in the woods and wonder at what moment it is actually ‘dawn’.

And it’s so pretty early in the morning! The clouds all have pink streaks, the birds are all going crazy, the sun turns orange, it’s not too hot, and best of all there’s hardly anyone about.

In fact I think I may be developing a small problem with that. You see I have this ‘thing’ – I like it when I don’t see anyone before six. And I mean anyone! I get really fed up when a cyclist or car whizzes past (no one follows the speed limit early in the morning!). I keep telling myself, my morning isn’t ruined just because I’ve seen another soul, but I do feel a heap more relaxed when I return from the dog walk and haven’t seen anyone.

I was walking back today when two cars past and ruined my tranquillity, and I got to thinking how nice the world would be with hardly anyone in it. Who knows, maybe I’m ready to live in a big place with lots of space at last?

But there is something else I don’t like about my early morning walks. The roads are okay, but when I hit the woods, then I know I’m the first to walk through them each day, because of all the spider’s webs. If you could watch me, you’d laugh! Most of the time I walk with my arm held in front of my head, as I just can’t bear getting the damn things on my face. I can feel them accumulating down my arms and some mornings that creeps me out so much, I start looking for the spiders. And when you look, you can always see them, hanging from trees and hiding under leafs that stretch across the path. Beginning to wish we lived next to the sea, which I suppose we do, but not within walking distance to be home before the house awakes.

So anyway, how long do you suppose a person can go with less than five hours sleep a night? Maybe I’ll go doodle-ally and find out, then let you know. Oh wait, I’m there already ;o)

Oh and the headmaster called me yesterday. What a lovely man! I so wish I had insisted on talking with him in the first place, as I bet R wouldn’t be leaving that school. Of course he totally bullshitted me about the movie being edited and suitable for the younger boys, but he was so charming I didn’t rise to challenging him about the age R saw on the box, or question whether he seriously believed a Hollywood film is historically accurate. No, I let it go. But for me, not him or the school.

I’m trying hard not to let things get to me at the moment, and it isn’t wise to create situations where I get wound up (even if I know I’m right!). And anyway, evil cow that I am, I made of point of telling a couple of mothers who didn’t know about the movie and didn’t sound impressed about it, and as their sons aren’t leaving they can take the baton if they so wish. Actually one of the mother’s was really upset, not so much about the movie, but about R leaving. She admitted she started crying when she heard (tempted to suggest she should be on the same tablets as me ;o)), and called her ex-husband to say she thought their son should leave too. Little drastic in my opinion, but she did go on to say she doesn’t believe the school values anything other than sporting excellence. But now that R’s ‘friends’ know he’s leaving, he’s taking a lot of stick for it, and I can’t see this woman’s son wanting to put himself in the firing line.

And talking about new schools, later today S has her induction afternoon at J’s school! She’s so excited! So am I. Just think, another couple of months, and I’ll have all that extra time to myself! Yippee!! You know, I actually cried when R started school, but I think I’ll throw a mother’s luncheon party when S starts.

Right well, the kitchen's clean and tidy, the dog’s been walked, and it’s nearly time to wake the house. Have a good day!


Blogger Who is this Dave? said...

Solitude has a lot going for it. But after a few years you do find there are some things you miss.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 6:41:00 am  
Blogger Karen said...

The meds are there to help but don't rely too much on them. It's tough not sleeping, your body will keep going until it's utterly exhausted, then crash. I really hope you find a happy medium.

Only you can let those people annoy you... or not. (easier said than done LOL)

Have a great day!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 8:57:00 am  
Blogger rdl said...

It sounds to me you are doing Way too much there girl! I'm ok with the walking the dog but having the house clean & tidy before 6 - forget it. It'll all still be there, take care of you first! As for the meds; if they're not doing the trick, their are others; might need to change, try something else. And you Must get yr. sleep!! very important. I say take a med for that too. whatever helps, it won't be for always; but when you are in crisis it is needed. ok gettin off the soap box now. please take care.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 1:25:00 pm  
Blogger g said...

the spider's webs - thats why some people carry walking sticks in the woods. just lead with a wand.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 1:41:00 pm  
Blogger Monique said...

Occasional solitude is a wonderful thing, and I completely get how encountering other people has a way of breaking that reverie.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 1:49:00 pm  
Blogger Daisy Mae said...

You aren't the only one with sleeping problems. I don't bother with taking sleeping pils for it, I just watch TV until I finally doze off. Then it is up at the crack of dawn. Then I wonder why I drag in the middle of the day.

Let me know if you find a good solution to the sleeping thing.

It sure does suck, doesn' it?

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 7:18:00 pm  
Blogger MarkD60 said...

I like complete solitude, or a huge crowd, I'm an extremeist I guess. And I think a person can go indefinitely with only 5 hours sleep. I like the mornings too. I woke up at 4:30 this morning and could barelystand to wait till the alarm went off!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 8:59:00 pm  
Blogger Tim-tambolini said...

It sounds to me that those tablets are kicking in well right now. It'll take a bit for you to notice a difference, but perhaps ask the BH if he's noticed...I bet he has.

Sunday, July 09, 2006 12:49:00 am  

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