Trying

What stops cramp in the legs and feet? I ask because I’m being woken up with them a lot lately. Like this morning. At seven thirty. Which was irritating as it was the last chance for a lie-in before next Saturday. And because I was tired, having been out last night.

The evening was a bit of a shock. These days music is played a lot louder in bars, drinks are twice the price, and taxis no longer take an hour to show up.

As for the company. Umm. This is tricky, as I’ve never been the position of wanting to be bitchy on my bl*g before, and the old paranoia’s of getting caught or sounding like Sleeping-Beauty’s step mother come into play.

I suppose I could skirt around the issue and just explain the table seemed to divide on two sides. And I was sat bang in the middle. On the one hand was Mrs-Corporate-Lawyer-with-three-degrees, on the other I had Miss-I-came-from-nothing-and-I-blame-YOU! I suppose if I was philosophical I would say it was somewhat apt I was between them. But that would suggest I was able to relate to them, and I couldn’t.

To be honest it didn’t much matter to me that they each held their own little kingdoms passing compliments and wisdom to the minions, but sitting quietly doesn’t seem to result in being overlooked like it used to. It just makes people ask you questions. That and having four kids. What the heck is it with some people? When I had three kids I didn’t gape at people with four. And what the hell is someone with four kids supposed to look like? I know it’s a compliment, and it’s nice to get compliments, but at the same time, the tone of disbelief lets you know that they think you’re quite insane. At least that’s what I get from it.

Actually that does lead me to a bit of sympathy, Mrs-Corporate-Lawyer looked knackered. Don’t get me wrong – she was an attractive lady, but I nearly choked on my chicken kebab when she announced her age. In fact this may well have been the first time I’ve ever wanted to stand up and shout, ‘HA, I’ve got FOUR kids AND I’m older than you!’ But no one else was doing it so I figured I’d better hold back.

Didn’t with the other mother, mind. Hmm, it’s going to sound like I hate her – and I don’t, it’s just she has attributes that drive me bonkers. Her voice for starters. The only time voices cause me such discomfort, is when my girls get over excited and start screeching. And it also has a sort of bouncy-ness like a bad tune, bit like that Crazy Frog ringtone.

But apart from her pitch making me want to grab a cushion and stuff it in her mouth, she also managed to annoy me so badly, I quite fancied the idea for fun.

I’ve known this woman a long time, near on a decade if I stop and count. She’s one of life’s organisers, which is a good and positive thing for the rest of us. She’s the one, who on the first day of term followed each mother around getting their names and numbers to compile a list, so we’d all know who was who, and which children belonged to whom. In the second week of tern she was voted into the PTA. It was her that got us all there last night. Yes, very organised, and I even discovered she organised four get-together days in the summer holidays, for the entire class. But I wasn’t invited to those, so I can’t comment further.

What wound me up last night, was when she demanded everyone’s attention to discuss PTA matters (and no, the rest of us are not involved because we’ve yet to figure out where these organised people find the time). She explained she had put forth an idea to the PTA board which had been accepted and she was implementing. Next summer they’re having a ball. A chance to dress up in our finery and jig badly on some matted, makeshift dance floor. It’s only £50 a ticket and she’s counting on us, because as she told the board, she’s a single mom and if she can afford it – then we all can!

WTF? Fifty quid a freaking ticket??!! I make that: two people £100 / babysitter £30 / taxis £20 / finery I don’t own £50, at least £200 for ONE NIGHT?! You’ve got to be kidding!! And if I had two hundred pounds to blow, I sure as hell wouldn’t be spending it on a meal!

So I told her. I wasn’t rude about it, I just explained that I couldn’t afford that. Bloody hell I wish I hadn’t. She proceeded to bore me senseless telling me all about how she was the youngest of seven and they didn’t have a bath tub till she was eight. I have not got the faintest idea what this had to do with my not having money to throw around. But it sounded like a lecture, in fact most of what comes out her mouth sounds like a lecture.

Luckily a taxi arrived and whisked me and my favourite mother friend out of there.

Except even the drive home turned me cross-eyed. My favourite mother friend had been sat near Mrs-Corporate-Lawyer and I think she must have fallen in love a little. All she could talk about was how amazing and clever this woman was. [Now is when I’m really going to sound like a mean-spirited jealous bitch] You see I’m kinda thinking someone who gets three degrees (all in real subjects I should add) sounds confused, like they really didn’t know what they wanted to be when they left Uni. Or maybe they didn’t want to leave Uni at all. And she sat there telling my friend how lucky she was to work part time after boasting about earning the GDP of a small country and complaining about her nanny. She just didn’t sound that smart to me, intelligent yes, but not that smart.

Of course I didn’t say that to my friend, after all, I’m just some dumb hick mom who doesn’t get out enough, so what do I know?



And please forgive my mood, I must be pre-menstrual, and tired. And I will probably be sorry I posted this in a day or two when the guilt of thinking mean thoughts about others hits home (I’m like that, give me a day and I’ll swear they’re all delightful in every way. (But god it feels good to share a bit of this right now!)).