F-F-F-F-F-F-Friday!

I should be excited. I should be thrilled. I should have my Friday feeling. Because tonight…I’m going out. It’s an adventure, and one I used to do several times a week when I was a teenager. So why the hell am I a nervous wreak?

Oh I HATE going out!

I don’t have any clothes. I don’t have any shoes. (Well I do, but I mean suitable!) I can’t really afford it. And I barely know these women! Why did I agree?

This is the third ‘Mothers’ night I’ve agreed to in the last decade and each time, I wonder what possessed me to go. The first one was with my eldest’s class group. Boy, did I feel a hick with that career bunch! All very nice I hasten to add, but I felt a dumb hick nonetheless. The second lot was P’s mothers. That was a big mistake because it was right after school began and P was still in his ‘beat ‘em all up’ stage. I spent the evening apologising for his behaviour and left with my tail between my legs swearing I’d never go to these things again.

So why did I agree, yet again? Well this time I was smart enough to refuse when first asked. But then I saw the mother who’s asking at swimming and she went on (and on) about how our lives revolve around the kids, and how in another decade or two we’ll have nothing. And she really emphasized the NOTHING! And once she saw my look of abject horror and fear, she brightened and told me the friends I made now would be the ones who would be around to help and comfort each other when our lives become totally meaningless.

I could hardly say no after that. Even if others did.

And what’s the big deal? It’s only a meal, right? Oh dear heavens, what have I done?!

Maybe I’ll drink! Just the one, mind. Any more than that and I’ll be making a fool of myself. Maybe I should have had a drink each and every night this week in preparation as there’s nothing worse than a drunk mother living it large because she doesn’t get out enough.

Oh, and in case you’re thinking ‘this appears to be only the third time this woman’s been out in a decade’, no, no, no! This is the forth, so there! But that other occurrence was after an OU exam and I got waaaaaaay too drunk (at least three drinks!), and I ended up stumbling home, seducing my husband in a most un-thoughtout manner, and got pregnant with P. You can be sure THAT WON’T BE HAPPENING AGAIN.

Ooo, just looked at my clock, just over eleven hours to go. We’re meeting at eight. What am I afraid of? I don’t know! But I am!

I keep trying to thinks of the positives… getting to know new people, doing something different, having a meal cooked for me. Yes I can do this. It won’t be so bad, there are only a couple of career moms, and J’s been nice to all their little darlings, and in another decade or two I’ll be alone and without purpose, meaning and direction in my life. I’ll need these women.

Bloody hell, even I’m realising how pitiful this is! And at the very least, I’ll have something other than the kids and washing to blog about tomorrow (lucky you ;o)).

Wish me luck!