I have a plan!

Over the past few days I have gone from wallowing in self absorption and feeling that I dislike way too much in my life, to a decision that I would change everything!

Then calm and common sense arrived back, and I now know that this is no way realistic – but I am left determined I can change some things and the trick will be figuring out what and how much.

I was incredibly tired this weekend and began by lounging about feeling beaten and ignoring all my usual amusements. This included the net – which was surprisingly easy!

I think of myself as obsessed with the computer and weekends are when I get to flit around forums catching up on posts. But this doesn’t do me any good. Half the people I come across annoy the hell out of me, and not being an argumentative sort, instead of telling them, I absorb the emotion. Not visiting has done me good. And it isn’t like they missed me (I don't say a lot, because I'm too annoyed ;o)) – so where’s the loss?

And I didn’t spend money I don’t have in Ebay. This was also good.

In fact the only positive I missed on the net were the blogs I visit, so from now on – that’s all I shall do!

Next thing to change is driving. I HATE driving. It brings out the worst in me, and if I ever have money, before I have a cleaner, gardener or cook I shall pay someone to do the driving around! But back in the real world…this of course is impossible. What I can do is rearrange my schedule so that all unnecessary trips are cut. Instead we shall walk. This starts today. And the dog is unhappy.

During the holidays I have no reason to put myself through the traffic to reach my beach. And I don’t like summer on beach anyway cause there are too many people. So when we walk to the shops, the dog will get his walk then.

Meal plans are also good, and now that I’m avoiding driving I need them!

Next item of change, is me.

I have nothing that is mine. Except this blog, which I can’t visit when the BH is about. So I thought about stuff I used to do and am trying to work out which I shall resurrect.

I think writing’s gone. My muse has flown and it didn’t fit my life too well anyway, because when I did write I would stay up half the night and day-dream the day away.

Onward, or rather further backward. In days long gone I studied.

I have been looking at courses with the OU, and guess what? The points I have in science are enough for a Natural Science Certificate. This doesn’t mean much, but I got a buzz when I realised! So why don’t I continue on for a diploma or degree?

These days the courses are expensive and as the OU no longer class us as UK, it’s even more than the advertised costs! Bummer, because I won’t have the money to do anything till at least Christmas.

But that’s okay, because I can decide on a course and do a lot of the required reading before I sign up. If I sign up.

There is a problem with this option. It’s time consuming on a major level. And should I really be spending the time and money studying when I could go out and earn some money? Life might be better with spare cash.

But then I get into a vicious circle. Earning money is well and good – if I can get a term time position, but it’ll be a crap job cause I don’t have any qualifications, and if I’m working a crap job – will I feel any better about my life? It could just send me over the edge. This one will require some more thought.

Also decided I am not looking after other peoples children anymore. I wasn’t paid for it, but have concluded I don’t even want to do it for money. Other peoples kids are horrid (not that mine aren’t too!) and why put myself through it unnecessarily? I’m always trying to please people and I don’t even know why! Half the time people take the piss and I’m left feeling irritated, and so this must stop (unless it’s an emergency), even for friends.

And talking of friends… I’m missing mine. I think I have been in denial about this. But I have now decided it’s not forbidden for me to miss her, and thus it’s okay to feel lonely for a while, but I have plenty others and sooner or later one will fill the place she held.

So that’s me. Getting there in a muddle. But at least it’s a muddle in the right direction!

And I must finish this bloody house! I hate this house, but slowly it is getting there and if I got my head out my ass it’s happen a whole lot sooner!

Right, we have to go shopping – wish me luck!


Update: It took me an hour and a half for what is usually a thirty minute trip to the shops, this can't be done on busy days!