Here I am!

So. I’ve been thinking. Do I really want to do this any more? I’ve been wondering about this for several months, as may be apparent from my lack of posts and poor attendance at your places. You see, time’s become a little short. Not that it wasn’t before, but there is always so much to do, and I want to do lots more too.

Anyways, that’s one of the things I’ve been mulling over. Along with getting another job, finishing my house-from-hell, sorting the garden, writing another book, doing another Open University course, and training the damn dog. And what I decided was: the house and garden aren’t going anywhere, I may not be able to get another job unless it fits perfectly into my life (as I’m not giving up my present ones as I love ‘em!!) the OU isn't an option until I have cash to spare (along with a greater direction) I’ll write the book in November when I do Nano Write, and the damn dog… well, at the moment he seems to be having more success training us!

And I’m feeling better. And I mean really better. I still get moments when I want to vanish into thin air, but they’re short, plus I don’t know many people who don’t feel like this sometimes. And I don't believe the others.

So life is good. Not exactly full of any great meaning or excitement, but who needs meaning and excitement when you’ve got a four year old who hugs her arms tight around your neck and tells you how much they love you every day?

And that cute little four year old is off to big school in ten days! In fact I know I must be happier again, as I’m getting a very occasional pang about it. It’s been twelve years since I had entire days to myself, no children demanding a treat/juice/lunch just as I answer the phone, or asking me to wipe their bottom as the doorbell rings, or begging for a wee the minute we park in town, or throwing a hissy fit whenever I’m in a hurry. Umm, wonder if they’ll conspire and make up for it at weekends? Actually I’ve noticed that the more time I spend away from the kids, the more these things eat at me when I’m with them. Though I’m NOT suggesting I’d cope better if I never left my little darlings sides! No. I just think that we all have a premium time in our lives for coping with this crap enjoying these times, and I’m past it.

And that makes me sad. Not that my little darlings are growing beyond their babyhoods (don't be silly!) just that I’m getting old. Which I already knew, but knowing something doesn’t mean you have to like it.

Earlier today I got invited to a girls night out, I mention this because it’s another reinforcement of my age. My friend Cass was doing the inviting, and it’s with a group of ladies whom I know a couple of. But one of them is still a party animal – though in fairness she wasn’t as a teenager as she was too busy being married, but since the husband left she’s been making up for lost time. I immediately asked if it was going to be a late one, and Cass laughed that she’d already told the others I wouldn’t accept.

But hang on a minute! Why the bloody hell not?! Those were my thoughts, just before imaging the noisy busy pub and club scene, along with standing at a taxi rank at two in the morning wishing I was wearing jeans instead of a stupid dress and heals, and then getting woken by a tribe of monsters little darlings too early the following morning.

So I said I’d think about it. And have now decided I think I’d rather stay in. Shit I’m getting old! Going out with Cass was always a blast in our younger days, but back then I wouldn’t have considered a book good company for the evening. AND I didn’t have the internet back then either, and I’m rather fond of that too! Umm, I’m sure I would have preferred the internet if it’d been around. Now I’m sounding old as well as feeling it, right?

Might be best if I drop this train of thought and get back to the post.

What was it about?

And that’s kind of the thing, I’m no longer writing posts about stuff. Days out and the like. Now I just waffle. And this has to stop. Along with a bit more dedication. Because I’ve decided I like you all, and this place, too much to fade away or delete. Not that I have any actual post written for today, this is just aother waffle, but hopefully one of the last!

And waffles aren’t so bad, some of you do them too (though maybe not as often ;o))

But I shall try to end this by hopefully providing you with a groan and eye roll giggle. I joined Hot or Not! I could provide a link to my picture and beg you all to vote me a ten (and thus make me feel less old!!) But I’m not going to as I realise there is a limit to our friendship. But I’m also in the Meet me section and figure those of you who know me well might be able to find me with some keywords – and if you do, and you’re on there too – match me!