Oh goody it’s Tuesday!

That must mean… parenting class! And what fun that is.

Actually, it wasn’t so bad today, especially as three women didn’t show up. And being a bitch it cheered me to imagine they just couldn’t hack it! Of course they may show next week and blow that theory, but it kept me warm today.

On today’s agenda was ‘in-flight safety’. Seriously, this was how it started – talking about how, if you and your kids are on a plane, (diving into the ocean, death imminent), and the oxygen masks fall – what do you do?

Being that I’m not crazy about flying when the plane isn’t in freefall, I would probably be screaming and cursing, with maybe a few begging prayers thrown in for good measure (I like to cover all bases).

But back in the world of normal balanced people, the appropriate response would be: put your mask on, and then your children’s. Because you see, you can’t take care of others until you’ve taken care of yourself (!).

Yeah.

And in real terms this equates to wine, sleep, respect, appreciation, blah, blah, blah…

And I agree. But these are hardly things I didn’t know about, so I spent the first hour AGAIN wondering why I was there! (and taking another look at the shoe choices – socks with sandals – UGH)

The second half was group activities. Yippee, I just love them! (Oh, and which style of font, would you say, reflects sarcasm to it’s fullest?)

If I had just kept my mouth shut, no one would have noticed I existed. I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. But no, I had to make a comment to the woman on my right. And then she laughed, which caught the attention of Mil & Lil (instructors, remember?).

When Mil insisted I share my wisdom with the class, I cringed. And obviously this was visible because my entire group began laughing. At me.

And it got worse. The shock of being centre of attention blew my mind and I went blank! Totally blank. I couldn’t even remember what we’d been talking about.

So how stupid did I look? Don’t all shout at once! This is why I hide at the back!!

My saving grace was the women I’d talked to, who has a better memory than me and my impersonation of a goldfish. She was able to recount our conversation and even made me sound like I knew what I was talking about. I think. In truth, my mind has blotted out the moment entirely. But whatever happened, everyone smiled and nodded in eager agreement.

After that, my opinion was asked several times. Which was horrid, but okay. Horrid because they all looked at me, and okay because they seemed to like my answers! Whatever they were.

And by the time class finished, several things had become apparent. I have great kids (most of the time) and I’m married to a wonderful man (I could say more – but he’s reading, and I want him to be able to get his head through the door tonight.) And it turns out, compared to this group, I’ve got patience too.

I had hoped they might offer fresh insights into stress relief. But I do every suggestion they had. And actually, they missed out blogging and sex (but I don’t want them reading this, and telling people we have lots of sex tends to make them hate me, so I didn’t speak up.)

So what the hell is my problem?!

I don’t know. I’ll get back to you if I figure it out.

-x-

Other news includes:

Calling my friend and getting a luke-warm reception. And this kind of ties in with today’s class, as one of the comments was to cut out unnecessary drains on our resources and emotions. Which I decided – there and then – to do. But as my friend hasn’t yet confirmed that she is physically intending to pay me back (only that she hasn’t forgotten her debt), I remained chirpy when she said she was busy this week, and just said I’ll look forward to her call. Which I am, ‘coz then I can afford to but myself some new (much needed) underwear!

-x-

And Second son P has earned himself a new nickname! He is now known as, Nero. Not Nemo, NERO – as in, ‘Nero fiddled as Rome burned’, because… he *fiddles! ENDLESSLY! We thought it was a phase, but no. He’s now seven and the problem’s getting worse.

We keep telling him it isn’t appropriate, but he forgets. It once occurred to me it was a comfort reaction and (very foolishly) asked why he did it, ‘Because it feels good,’ was his joyous answer.


* If you have any confusion over what I’m talking about, think ‘wood’ (this comparison comes care of Doug).

-x-

And having been paying attention to my time deficit, I can now confirm an hour lasts just over seventeen minutes in my life. Which makes me Wonder Women, as I had exactly one hour and ten minutes (clock time) at home between activities today; and still I managed to tidy up, and feed me, the BH, and S lunch. Whilst at the same time preparing tonight's dinner. I was pleased with myself.

But it confused J.

Because when in the car coming home, P asked what was for dinner. And I told him, ‘Lasagne’. Unfortunately J has a new best friend called Anya, but was sitting in the back of the car and so began shouting, ‘WHERE? WHERE?’

Needless to say this left us all confused.