Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Oh goody it’s Tuesday!

That must mean… parenting class! And what fun that is.

Actually, it wasn’t so bad today, especially as three women didn’t show up. And being a bitch it cheered me to imagine they just couldn’t hack it! Of course they may show next week and blow that theory, but it kept me warm today.

On today’s agenda was ‘in-flight safety’. Seriously, this was how it started – talking about how, if you and your kids are on a plane, (diving into the ocean, death imminent), and the oxygen masks fall – what do you do?

Being that I’m not crazy about flying when the plane isn’t in freefall, I would probably be screaming and cursing, with maybe a few begging prayers thrown in for good measure (I like to cover all bases).

But back in the world of normal balanced people, the appropriate response would be: put your mask on, and then your children’s. Because you see, you can’t take care of others until you’ve taken care of yourself (!).


And in real terms this equates to wine, sleep, respect, appreciation, blah, blah, blah…

And I agree. But these are hardly things I didn’t know about, so I spent the first hour AGAIN wondering why I was there! (and taking another look at the shoe choices – socks with sandals – UGH)

The second half was group activities. Yippee, I just love them! (Oh, and which style of font, would you say, reflects sarcasm to it’s fullest?)

If I had just kept my mouth shut, no one would have noticed I existed. I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. But no, I had to make a comment to the woman on my right. And then she laughed, which caught the attention of Mil & Lil (instructors, remember?).

When Mil insisted I share my wisdom with the class, I cringed. And obviously this was visible because my entire group began laughing. At me.

And it got worse. The shock of being centre of attention blew my mind and I went blank! Totally blank. I couldn’t even remember what we’d been talking about.

So how stupid did I look? Don’t all shout at once! This is why I hide at the back!!

My saving grace was the women I’d talked to, who has a better memory than me and my impersonation of a goldfish. She was able to recount our conversation and even made me sound like I knew what I was talking about. I think. In truth, my mind has blotted out the moment entirely. But whatever happened, everyone smiled and nodded in eager agreement.

After that, my opinion was asked several times. Which was horrid, but okay. Horrid because they all looked at me, and okay because they seemed to like my answers! Whatever they were.

And by the time class finished, several things had become apparent. I have great kids (most of the time) and I’m married to a wonderful man (I could say more – but he’s reading, and I want him to be able to get his head through the door tonight.) And it turns out, compared to this group, I’ve got patience too.

I had hoped they might offer fresh insights into stress relief. But I do every suggestion they had. And actually, they missed out blogging and sex (but I don’t want them reading this, and telling people we have lots of sex tends to make them hate me, so I didn’t speak up.)

So what the hell is my problem?!

I don’t know. I’ll get back to you if I figure it out.


Other news includes:

Calling my friend and getting a luke-warm reception. And this kind of ties in with today’s class, as one of the comments was to cut out unnecessary drains on our resources and emotions. Which I decided – there and then – to do. But as my friend hasn’t yet confirmed that she is physically intending to pay me back (only that she hasn’t forgotten her debt), I remained chirpy when she said she was busy this week, and just said I’ll look forward to her call. Which I am, ‘coz then I can afford to but myself some new (much needed) underwear!


And Second son P has earned himself a new nickname! He is now known as, Nero. Not Nemo, NERO – as in, ‘Nero fiddled as Rome burned’, because… he *fiddles! ENDLESSLY! We thought it was a phase, but no. He’s now seven and the problem’s getting worse.

We keep telling him it isn’t appropriate, but he forgets. It once occurred to me it was a comfort reaction and (very foolishly) asked why he did it, ‘Because it feels good,’ was his joyous answer.

* If you have any confusion over what I’m talking about, think ‘wood’ (this comparison comes care of Doug).


And having been paying attention to my time deficit, I can now confirm an hour lasts just over seventeen minutes in my life. Which makes me Wonder Women, as I had exactly one hour and ten minutes (clock time) at home between activities today; and still I managed to tidy up, and feed me, the BH, and S lunch. Whilst at the same time preparing tonight's dinner. I was pleased with myself.

But it confused J.

Because when in the car coming home, P asked what was for dinner. And I told him, ‘Lasagne’. Unfortunately J has a new best friend called Anya, but was sitting in the back of the car and so began shouting, ‘WHERE? WHERE?’

Needless to say this left us all confused.


Blogger mm said...

I'm desperate to find a Guernsey blog to see what they say about those Jersey folk.

I think you should call your friend up and start borrowing her stuff. A rake today, her toaster tomorrow, a couple tea bags, lawn furniture.

Then don't give any of it back.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 7:57:00 pm  
Blogger Jona said...

Hi Maureen, it's a mutual banter (we love 'em really!)

And your idea has occurred to me! But being me, and I just wouldn't have the nerve ;o)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 8:12:00 pm  
Blogger Moxie said...

Sounds like someone's becoming the most popular mommy in the class.

Love the sarcasm, by the way...maybe I'm not the only one PMSing!

Glad the class went well! :)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 8:40:00 pm  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Your "problem" is that you don't think as well of yourself as the rest of us do. You're a fine person with great kids and a great BH. Maybe all you need is a week (or less) all by yourself somewhere so you can sort this out. But if that's not possible, not to worry. You not only WILL be fine, you ARE fine.

(Books arrived today. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.)

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 1:52:00 am  
Blogger Anduin said...

I got a good laugh when you mentioned satisfaction that some of the other mothers were absent like they couldn't hack it. Too funny.

Love the Jersey facts too!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 1:54:00 am  
Blogger Southern Sweetheart said...

too funny these parenting classes are -- i can't believe they teach the mask thing in that class -- don't you get that on the actual plane???? anyway..oh well... :) happy parenting class! :)

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:00:00 am  
Blogger Amanda Matilda said...

Do tell more about witch trials--Guernsey torture specifically. Sorry, but Halloween's coming, so I'm in that frame of mind.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 5:05:00 am  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Fiddling, eh? (You knew I would read that whole blog and only remember 'fiddling'.) Karen's reaction: "Seven, huh? He's a little old for that."

"Huh?" said I. "You mean he's a little young for it."

Wait 'til he discovers friction burn against his sheets.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:03:00 am  
Blogger Jona said...

Thank you, Moxie, Anduin and WM :o)

Hi Hoss, Thank you, and occasionally I think of trying to get away for a few days – but apart from the cost of getting off this rock (!) I tend to wander around lost when the kids aren’t about unless I’m doing chores ;o)

And I’m pleased the books got there – I was starting to worry!

Amanda – funnily enough there was some more gruesome stuff, but I didn’t think anyone would want to read the details!

Oh Doug, you make me laugh!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 11:07:00 am  
Blogger Who is this Dave? said...

I love group activities too. To the extent that I now refuse to play. Really threw a guest lecturere in my last year at college when I said I had nothing to share with the group after some paired exercises, as I hadn't told my partner anything. And I certainly wasn't going to tell him.

Just looked at your slide-show. You really are totally different to my mental picture. I won't tell you what I thought, but, believe me, you're much better-looking!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 12:53:00 pm  
Blogger Huw said...

I'm with Nero P on this one.

Fiddling feels great!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:34:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you tried yoga?

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 7:21:00 pm  
Blogger Jona said...

Thank you, Dave :o)

And Huw, please reassure me you don't do this in class!

Hi Lita, I must admit I haven't tried yoga. And I will think about it but right now things are on the up, so I probably won't get around to doing anything till I'm on the down again. (Next week maybe ;o))

Thursday, September 29, 2005 4:10:00 pm  

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