Long week.....

Today has been a big day for P. He sat the exam for his secondary school, and we’re all stressed and biting our nails over it. Well I am, P’s been quite calm, although it hasn’t been the easiest of weeks.

Poor P’s had problems this week, which is a darn shame as I was hoping to keep things as mellow as possible in the run up to this dreaded exam. But then, his problems didn’t start this week – just that he finally decided to share that he had some problems.

His outpouring came as we arrived at school on Thursday. We had just been shown around his prospective school – where he had appeared fine – but then three minutes after we left he was in tears saying he felt ill.

And P’s been ill a LOT lately. I don’t think he’s managed a whole week at school this term without being sent home for feeling ‘ill’. The alarm bells have been ringing for weeks, and we have been asking, but (he explained) it was only after his (possible) new school seemed real that he finally decided to share his woes.

And wow did I get it! There I was planning to kick my 10 year old out the car, and instead I was sat in the car park for half an hour with a sobbing child.

He’s having a hard time. People are mean in many little ways, but here comes the really hard part……I think at least 60% of it exists only in his mind.

Of course I didn’t say that. I told the secretary that I was taking him home to calm him down – but that ‘apparently’ is unwise, as children rarely want to return. She is a lovely lady and insisted upon talking him into going inside with her, and P’s teacher duly called me an hour later.


I think the poor chap’s as confused as us. The kids P were named are his supposed friends – and I know boys can be horrid, but one of the main ones had called the night before to ask if P could go & play (???) P says he can be nice sometimes, but then, the lads only crime was hiding Ps lunchbox and from what P says, this is a common event amongst the boys – and he admits malice is rarely meant.

But when it happens to HIM he perceives it as a re-enforcement of his belief that people don’t really like him. Which in turn, does put people off!

I love my boy dearly, but I wish I could straighten his logic out. Life ain’t going to be easy if he cant learn to take things a bit lighter, poor P *sigh*

Funnily enough I’m now thinking of someone I’ve met in that game I play. He’s a young man (young enough to be my son!), nice guy once you get past the initial bad-tempered aggressive tone he shows to all. I was lucky, I figured out how to calm his attitude quickly – as he’s simply a grown version of P. The point of mentioning him is, he isn’t liked by all. In fact I’d say he manages to put off about 80-90% of other players – which is a damn shame! And it upsets me, because when all is said and done, it’s him that hurts. For my part I like him, but then I have training in how to understand him ;)

But anyway, back to my boy.

I’m bloody cross with his school at the moment, after a screw up they made yesterday. It was the House General Knowledge quiz, for which there are trials to see if you’re good enough to be 1 of the 3 that represent your House.

P came 3rd! He was over the moon!! He was told he’d be in it – and I thought it was such a bonus to come the day before his exam, a ‘boost’ for his confidence so to speak.

But I guess I got taught a lesson in something, as my hope turned to dismay when his teacher simply called another boys name, and P sat there mutely trying not to cry.

His House won, which would normally be something to celebrate, but P stared out of the car window until we got home then vanished for half an hour before finding the courage to come and explain what had upset him so (I wasn’t there).

With a *sigh* I expect there shall be some reasonable explanation. There’s always is. But why the hell don’t they know they should explain things to kids??!! This other kid probably came joint 3rd in the last quiz in-take and got promised the place – least that’s what I’ve suggested to P…….

Don’t really think he’s convinced…but then, why didn’t he raise his arm and ask what was going on??? We went around in circles, with him not really seeing that he could have helped himself a little more….and eventually I told him he had to drop it (along with the tales of playground pushes and shoves) – I said he was at home now, with people who love him and didn’t want to hurt him. If he wants to tells us these things because it makes him feel better (the old fashioned version of blogging?), that was fine, but as he appeared to get more upset the more he talked about it – then it was time to close the door on it. Home is for relief from the real world, leave you problems outside and remember how to smile.

I think he did.

Least the red eyes faded, and he started chattering about the exam.

(I wrote all this before the exam, now it’s over……)

Well, what will be, will be.

P says he thinks he’s done okay, but that he failed. But then – P is always ready to believe the worst.

Sadly I’m too afraid to argue with him, as he really may have failed, and he has to prepare himself somehow. I simply asked if he’d tried his best, when he said he had, I told him that whatever the outcome – we couldn’t be prouder.

We should know in a week.

I walked the dog this afternoon with a friend, who reckoned this week would feel long – I hope so!!

We’re off on holiday all too soon and I haven’t got anything complete and ready for it. Work is chaos, the schools have a million things on I’ve managed not to miss by flying away this year, and I’m turning 40 and people are insisting I notice, ugh.

Still, Sunday tomorrow, umm why aren't I excited?